Have You Got What It Takes To Be A Winner?
I remember the first time I played a game of billiards and started out optimistic that as a sporty person I’d have some skill that might just allow me to be an instant winner at this ‘easy’ game. I messed up within a couple of minutes and handed over the game to my then boyfriend at the time (he had offered to teach me and had persuaded me to have a game with him). I watched as he went on to pot each ball without a second thought to my ever having a chance to join in the game again. I was slaughtered! I vowed never to play again let alone wonder why someone who’d offered to teach me the game in the first place should decide to wipe me out at my very first attempt. Maybe it was just to make him feel good – but that’s another story. Or was it more to do with the fact he’s male and I’m female?
That’s an interesting thought, as it’s often felt that men are more competitive than women as women lack the killer instinct which will enable them to win at all costs. Yet, research has shown that women like to compete just as much as men and they also want to win. It’s just that women experience the stress of competing differently from men. Dr Mariana Kaiseler, University of Derby says that ‘men are more stressed by outcomes; whether they win or lose. Getting the reward is their motivation.’ In contrast, women were more concerned with their performance. They come across as more task-oriented which is being more worried about getting there rather than actually winning’.
Also, men like to plan their winning approach whereas women are more likely to want to talk through their anxieties. This could be because women tend to be more co-operative and disclose their feelings a lot easier than men and are more ready to admit to their shortcomings. Men on the other hand don’t like to admit their weaknesses as they’ll likely be embarrassed having done so.
So how do you bring out your winning spirit? Use the following tips to bring out the winner in you:
Overcome any negative thoughts. When they come up say ‘STOP’ and immediately replace the negative thought with a positive one such as ‘I’m great at winning.’
Don’t let one mistake or set back ruin the rest of your day. See what has happened as a one-off and move on to look for ways to learn from the situation instead.
Reflect on why you want to win. Is it to please someone else? Or is it a genuine desire to win for you? Sometimes the goals you think you’re striving for are not the actual goals your deep-self intend for you.
It’s okay not to be perfect. Just accept you as you are and you’re going to be the best that you can be in this moment. Accept it!
Use self-talk before and during the activity. Really gear yourself up by saying the most outrageous things about yourself such as ‘I am the greatest person ever to do this.’ Shout it out loud and believe it – Just make sure you’re out of earshot when you do it!
Article by: Wendy Howard, Spirit of Venus, www.spiritofvenus.co.uk & www.grow-training.com